Matthew Stafford definitely ranks up there as far as quarterbacks I'd want to hang out with. And, with a bye-week (the Lions did last play in London, after all), Stafford apparently spent it hanging out in a giant cave of Pepsi boxes at a grocery store. He invites fans inside to party, tosses a few footballs with patrons, and causes a whole bunch of ruckus. Fantastic.
-The Lions/Eagles game was quite entertaining to watch. Partially because the Lions' Jeremy Ross had a punt and kickoff return for touchdowns, partially because LeSean McCoy ran for 217 yards and two scores, but mostly because the game was played in insane blizzard conditions. The Lions fumbled six times (good luck seeing a fumble in this play), and after an 8-0 first half, the teams combined to score 46 points in the second half.
-Speaking of teams scoring a lot in the second half, the Vikings and Ravens each scored three touchdowns in the final quarter after playing what was going to be our Most Boring Game of the Week. But luckily, games are four quarters instead of three, and the Ravens eked out a win after seemingly blowing the game, then seemingly winning it, then seemingly blowing it again before finally actually winning it. Seriously, there were 28 points scored after the two minute warning. Absolutely incredible.
-Speaking of teams blowing games, the Browns did just that. With nothing to play for, they dominated New England all day and were leading 26-14 with just over a minute left before Tom Brady connected with Julian Edelman for a really nice touchdown throw, then, after Edelman drew a defenseless receiver penalty on that very play, the Pats recovered an onside kick and marched 40 yards to another touchdown, this time to Danny Amendola. Even after all that madness, the Browns came down the field and gave Billy Cundiff a shot at a 58-yard field goal, which was woefully short. It was an awesome comeback, though the Pats likely lost stud TE Rob Gronkowski to a torn ACL. Oh, and Josh Gordon now has 776 yards in the last four games. THAT'S INSANE.
-Speaking of insane, the Steelers almost had two insane returns, one at the end of the first half and one at the end of the game. Troy Polamalu returned a missed field goal about 30 yards before tossing a lateral to a teammate, and after a few more laterals the Steelers finally got taken down at the Dolphins 40 yard line. The end of the game was even more chaotic, as Emmanuel Sanders caught a pass with no time left, then the Steelers lateraled five times, the final one being a pitch from Ben Roethlisberger to Antonio Brown, who ran down the sideline and scored! Well, he would have, but he stepped out of bounds on the way, negating what would have been the craziest win of the day, and possibly the decade.
-Speaking of silly things, the Panthers' Greg Hardy was wearing shades and said his name was "Kraken" from "Hogwarts" on Sunday Night Football. Fantastic. Also, the Saints have a player named Cameron Jordan, while the Browns have a Jordan Cameron. How wiley!
-Speaking of wiley gone wrong, our Stupid Play of the Week comes courtesy of me, in my fantasy league. I had picked up Caleb Sturgis but dropped him in lieu of Jay Feely because he was kicking in more favorable (i.e. less snowy) conditions. Sturgis had 10 points and Feely had four, plus a missed field goal. That's not the stupidest part, though. One hour before kickoff I had the Fins' Charles Clay in my tight end spot. But I decided to go for upside over reliability, and started San Diego's Ladarius Green instead. Clay finished with 25.5 points; Green had zero. ROMOOOOOOOO!
-Speaking of things that make you yell in frustration, our Most Boring Game of the Week would have been Cardinals/Rams, but it was quite entertaining seeing Kellen Clemens get absolutely obliterated by the Cardinals underrated defense. So instead we'll say the most boring game is the one that also featured our Worst Team of the Week, the Chargers versus the New York Giants. I don't understand how this franchise has won two Super Bowls, because they have looked absolutely miserable all year. What was most embarrassing was that they still technically could have snuck into the playoffs as the day began, but that was quickly (and mercifully) quashed. They're a joke.
-Speaking of jokes, we have Mike Glennon throwing for only 90 yards and the Bucs winning by 21; the Raiders defense giving up 37 points to a Jets team that had only scored 20 total points the previous three games; the efforts of the Washington Redskins special teams; and the idea of the Broncos scoring fewer than 30 points in a game ever again.
The Bears didn't have a game this week, but alas, my heart still felt some strain this week as I watched all this nonsense unfold on the field. It's good to be a fan of football in general, but boy is it frustrating sometimes. Let's get to the highlights.
-The Chiefs defense is very good. You probably already knew this, but halfway through the second quarter they hadn't even given up a first down. Granted, they were playing against the corpse of Jason Campbell-led Browns, but still. That's really impressive. Of course, the Browns then pulled a flea flicker and got a touchdown, proving that all you need to do to beat the Chiefs is use your NFL Blitz playbook.
-Thad Lewis got absolutely demolished against the Saints. I exclaimed loudly on a number of occasions (at least three), and I'm not sure if his head actually came off on one sack. It's not healthy to have that many large men jostling your inner organs. In the same game, Fred Jackson had 44 rush yards with three minutes left in the 1st quarter. He finished with 45. My fantasy team is disappointed in him. But my fantasy team is disappointed in everyone this week, so he'll get a pass.
-The Patriots had a really cool interception, courtesy of Devin McCourty and Marquice Cole. Unsurprisingly, it was against the Dolphins, who have done a great job of blowing leads this season.
-Calvin Johnson had more receiving yards than the entire Cowboys team. Amazing. And he was just seven yards shy of breaking the single-game receiving record. He finished with 14 catches for 329 yards and a touchdown. And a lost fumble, but hey, if you have him on your fantasy team and lost, your team is terrible. Much like mine.
-Speaking of terrible, that Cowboys/Lions game was anything but. 41 of the 61 total points scored in the 4th quarter, and an incredibly exciting finish have this in the running for Game of the Year. It was also just the second time in history (I think they flashed that graphic) a team has won after having four more turnovers than the other team. Well done.
-With just three offensive points in their last two games, the Philadelphia Eagles are our Worst Team of the Week. Their only score in this one came when the Giants snapped the ball about 18 feet over their punter's head, and lost about 40 yards before the Iggles scooped up the ball and ran it in.
-Garrett Hartley...make a field goal why don'tcha! Want a good recipe for failure in a fantasy league? Have all but one of your players score less than their projected totals. Let's hope that stench of disappointment isn't all over me in my flag football league tomorrow #personaldiatribes2013
-Terrelle Pryor ran for a 93-yard touchdown on the first play of the game. Remember when the Steelers were a good defense? BECAUSE I DON'T. They were very close to being the worst team of the week, along with the Jets.
-Speaking of 'em, the Jets seem to be the easiest team in the league to bet. You simply pick them to win in odd-numbered weeks, and lose in even-numbred weeks. Obviously this'll change after their bye, but the pattern has held true so far. They look competent in their wins, and look like chickens missing their heads, legs, beaks and ability to cluck in their losses. It's truly spectacular.
-I knew the Cardinals were a sneaky tough team, but I didn't know the Falcons were this bad. They better trade Tony Gonzalez to a contender ASAP.
-Cordarrelle Patterson tied the NFL record for a 109-yard return, doing so on the opening kickoff of the game against the Packers. Since you can't have a play longer than that, the record will always stand. Not too shabby.
