Wednesday, September 4

NFL Predictions!

Nothing beats the NFL season–particularly fantasy football and making predictions. The two go together like honey and peanut butter, fingers and toes, and…well, other things that kind of go together pretty decently. We’re gonna go by division and then give a little summary of each. Le’ggo!

NFC West 
1. 49ers 12-4 
2. Seahawks 11-5 
3. Rams 8-8 
4. Cardinals 6-10

This might be the strongest division of ‘em all. The Niners and Seahawks should return to the playoffs, bolstered by their fantastic defenses and solid second-year QBs, and the Rams can certainly contend for that last wild card spot. The Cardinals still have some work to do, but I can’t imagine their offensive line being worse than last year. That team had more holes than a swiss cheese party.

NFC North 
1. Packers 11-5 
2. Bears 10-6 
3. Lions 7-9 
4. Vikings 5-11 

I’m hoping Da Bears can pull something magical and upend the Pack, but I just don’t see it happening. The offense is a little bit better and the defense a little worse, so an identical 10-6 record (which they managed last year) seems appropriate. I believe the Lions are more like the 2012 team than the 2011 team that made the playoffs, but I’m thinking big things for Stafford, since he’s my fantasy team’s starting QB. Let’s get ‘em! Oh, and the Vikings–AD doesn’t repeat his amazing nearly-record setting season from a year ago, and Christian Ponder continues to make people wonder how he’s getting paid like a starting NFL quarterback.

NFC South 
1. Falcons 13-3 
2. Buccaneers 9-7 
3. Panthers 8-8 
4. Saints 7-9 

I really believe Atlanta is the most complete team in the NFL, and could see them pushing 14-2 pretty easily. But we’ll take the safe route and say they go 13-3. Josh Freeman terrifies me but the Bucs should be much improved and have a pretty soft schedule. The Panthers will also be better than expected, with Cam Newton making a big leap this year. As for the Saints, I love me some Drew Brees and Darren Sproles (my fantasy team is nicknamed “Sproles Royce,” after all), but that defense is TERRIBLE.

NFC East 
1. Giants 9-7 
2. Redskins 8-8 
3. Cowboys 7-9 
4. Eagles 6-10

The NFC East will get the most attention from ESPN, but truthfully, this is a really mediocre division. I’m guessing RGIII gets hurt at some points, ruining the ‘Skins chances of repeating as division champs. The Cowboys will again be mediocre, both offensively and defensively, and the Iggles will be great to watch, but I don’t think Chip Kelly turns them around quickly this year. That leaves the Giants as the default team to talk yourself into to win. Blegh.

AFC West 
1. Broncos 13-3 
2. Chiefs 8-8 
3. Chargers 6-10 
4. Raiders 3-13

Hard to believe the Chiefs could reach .500 after finishing last season with the worst record, but this division is just that bad. The Raiders are a mess, the Chargers are inconsistent at best, and…well, if the Broncos don’t win the division, it’ll be the biggest upset this side of Truman.

AFC North 
1. Bengals 10-6 
2. Ravens 8-8 
3. Steelers 8-8 
4. Browns 6-10

The Bengals should have no trouble winning the division; now their next goal needs to be not losing to Houston in the first round. It’s a coin toss between the Ravens and Steelers for second place, though I don’t believe either makes the playoffs. And the Browns will be a lot better than people think, but hey, it’s still Cleveland, so…

AFC South 
1. Texans 11-5 
2. Colts 8-8 
3. Titans 6-10 
4. Jaguars 4-12

I don’t know which division is worse between the AFC South and the AFC West, but they’re both pretty bad. The Texans should run away with the division crown again–the most important thing during the season will be keeping Arian Foster and Andre Johnson healthy. The Colts will probably regress a little bit from last year (after all, they had a negative point differential), but should still contend for a playoff spot. Tennessee will again be pedestrian at best, and the Jags will just be glad Pocket Hercules is back.

AFC East 
1. Patriots 10-6 
2. Dolphins 9-7 
3. Bills 5-11 
4. Jets 4-12

This is a down year for the AFC, ain’t it? Miami could sneak in and actually win this division–games against the Bills and Jets should be easy as pie, and they always play New England tough. The Pats will struggle without a lot of their offensive weaponry from last year, but it’s not wise to count Tom Brady out. The thing I’m most curious about is how much worthless air time gets dedicated to covering the Jets. Over/under for the season is 1,647 hours.

NFC Playoffs
Seahawks over Giants
Packers over Bears
Falcons over Seahawks
49ers over Packers
Falcons over 49ers 

AFC Playoffs
Bengals over Colts
Patriots over Dolphins
Broncos over Patriots
Texans over Bengals (again)
Broncos over Texans

Super Bowl: Falcons over Broncos

Wow, this looks a lot like last year's playoffs. The Falcons again beat the Seahawks, the Niners again defeat the Packers, and Atlanta meets San Fran in the NFC Championship game. Except this time, THEY WIN.

Similarly the Bengals again lose to the Texans, although at least this time they win a playoff game, first. Peyton gets his revenge against Tom Brady for having more rings, and then the horses keep it going by bucking the Texans.

In a rematch of the Super Bowl featured on The Simpsons, the Falcons reverse their fortunes this time around, beating the Broncos. We'll say the final score is 31-20. Can we kick off already?

1 comment:

  1. No way the Falcons offense will be able to score enough to keep up with the 49ers in a playoff game.