Friday, August 29

Q&A With Marni Kinrys, Creator of the WINGGIRL Method

Best known as the "Wing Girl," expert relationship coach Marni Kinrys is revolutionizing the dating world by giving men the tools and skill set to attract, date and get any girl they want through her unique curriculum, the WINGGIRL Method. This one-of-a-kind self-help program takes a woman's perspective to give men a behind-the-scenes look into a woman's mind and helps them build a strong masculine character in an attempt to bridge the gap in communication between the sexes. Marni dishes advice on her podcast "Ask Women" and her upcoming book, That's Not How Men Work, is expected for release in September 2014. Marni took some time to chat with A Hot Cup Of Joey.

A Hot Cup Of Joey: How did the WINGGIRL Method come about?
Marni Kinrys: It was actually completely random, by accident. 11 years ago, I was at a singles mixer at a rabbi's house. I was with a friend who had recently gotten out of a relationship, and I was mainly there to support her. And I noticed that no one was talking. It was men on one side, women on the other. So, I just started pulling guys over to my friend, telling them what to say, what she liked, and so on. Then when my girlfriend was taken care of, I did it with other people in the room. I joked to my roommate that night and said, what if I was their wing girl? He said, okay that's never going to happen. Guys don't need help with women. I said, I don't think you're right. I posted an ad on Craigslist and had 75 responses by the next morning. Originally, it was me and my best friend. It started in L.A. but we wanted to reach people all over, so we started the WINGGIRL Method website.

AHCJ: How do you think your background in improv and acting translates to a romantic setting?
MK: It makes you fearless and able to open up any conversation. Improv teaches you how to read other people's cues. You're not trying to win the scene, just like you're not trying to win a conversation. It's about intention, and working together. It's about both people thriving. Improv and acting have also helped me hone in on my wit, and allowed me to use my imagination more.

AHCJ: What are some methods to approaching groups of women?
MK: We always make excuses in our minds as to why not to approach people. The method I use can be used for anything--it's called the OSA Method. It stands for Observation, Share and Ask.

First, make an observation about the world around you. It can be anything. It's like talking to the universe and she just happens to be there. Then, you share--give up a little of yourself. Then you open it up by asking a question. A lot of people are so worried about how they're going to sound or what they look like as they're walking over. But remember, you're not the only one being evaluated.

AHCJ: Name a mistake people make in online dating.
MK: Not using it correctly. A lot of people half-ass it with setting up a profile, and then thinking that everyone will flock to you. It's the same thing as real life: you get what you put out there. A lot of guys take what they can get rather than going after what they want. And learning how to present yourself, how to send emails.

AHCJ: How can someone move from being "just friends" to a more romantic relationship?
MK: Okay, let's go with a guy who's been friends with a girl, and then suddenly realizes he wants something more. Being honest and communicating from a confident place. You can literally just turn to your girlfriend and say, you know what, this is something I've been thinking about. I don't know if it would work, but it's something that's been on my mind. Saying I don't know what's going to happen, but we have a great friendship, and I have feelings for you. Let's try it out.

And then the other side is with people that you've been pining for since you met them. The way to get out of the friendship is to really stop being a friend, and stop acting like a friend. You want to change the way that you present yourself. You're taking on the seductor role while around your "friend". The best thing to do is to say something confidently about what you want. Tell a woman what you think, rather than showing her how you feel. It comes across as clear as confident. If you're not comfortable saying it out loud, just start changing your behavior. You're there every once in awhile, and when you are available, you're there for everything that is more exciting and fun, and can be seen in a more sexual level, so she can see you in that light.

AHCJ: You have a new book coming out, That's Not How Men Work.
MK: Over the past 10 years, I have learned a ridiculous amount of information about men that I never thought I would know. Men open up to me, and I hear from their point of view, the things that women do that confuse them. That's helped me in my own relationship, especially with communication.

Now, I've written the book called That's Not How Men Work because I find myself saying that to my girlfriends all the time. I explain to them how men actually work, and it helps them a lot more than my comforting did initially. Now I want to share this other information with other women who are single or in relationships. Just to hear from me, because I get all this insider information, how men actually do work, not how we want them to work.

ACHJ: What is the worst date you've ever been on?
MK: It was my first date from J-Date that I went on. He just lied about everything. He was a nice guy, but I couldn't tell if he was gay or straight, to be honest. He lied about his height, he lied about his job. He said he was a lawyer, and then when we met in person he said, "Oh, well I'm considering going to law school but I really want to be a writer." The lies were no good, but we happened to get along really well. We went out, and he flossed his teeth. It wasn't anything horrible, but it was a huge turnoff to online dating. I didn't want to go back to it after that.

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