Thursday, December 8

Philadelphia 76ers...What Are You Doing???

Take a look at these drawings. Or as Simon would say, "drawerings." These are the possible options for the new Philadelphia 76ers mascot. On the left we have Ben Franklin, the middle is B. Franklin Dogg, and on the right is Phil E. Moose. The Sixers have provided bios for all three, so let's get to it! Ben Franklin, you're up!

One of the most revered figures in American history, and a man who needs no introduction as an honorable representation of this city and nation, "Big Ben" Franklin will now come back to serve Philadelphia yet once again. An avid basketball fan, Big Ben was thrilled to be asked to join Philadelphia sports fans in cheering the 76ers on to greatness. As the Sixers new mascot, he will bring electricity to the Wells Fargo Center, and be a towering presence at Sixers games both figuratively and literally as he stands seven-feet tall. 

Well, that's pretty cool! Except...would this mascot be similar to what the Washington Nationals do with their presidents race? You know, oversized heads and all?  Or would it actually be like a 65-year old man that's athletic enough to jump off trampolines while still keeping his bifocals on? Either way, this is my vote for the new mascot. But, of course, my favorite usually doesn't make it, so let's check out the other competitors, continuing with B. Franklin Dogg.

The All-American pet, B. Franklin Dogg is a loyal Philadelphia resident who can be seen in artist drawings from the day nestled under the table beside Ben Franklin as he deliberated on the founding of the nation. In the revolutionary fervor of the times, B. Franklin Dogg proudly wore patriotic colonial garb to show his spirit. Over the years, B. Franklin Dogg was occasionally seen playing with a basketball around the historic landmarks of Philadelphia, before finally making his way down Broad St. to the Wells Fargo Center.

That's my dog, dawg! Any time a pooch can hoop it just reminds me of Air Bud, and this is no exception. But the thing that bothers me is the "nestled under the table beside Ben Franklin" part. Many basketball games are at night, so Ben Franklin will come home after a busy day of kite flying, and where the heck is his dog? He's entertaining a three-quarters full stadium as the Sixers struggle to beat a mediocre Utah Jazz team on a cold January evening. Not very loyal at all!

And finally, we have Phil E. Moose, by far the most bizarre of the three choices:

One of the most regal animals to roam the wild, Phil E. Moose certainly fits that bill, standing tall as he represents the Sixers (he stands over seven-feet tall in fact, with the antlers). In his youth, Phil E. Moose would often be seen dunking a basketball with ease, aided by his great height. Throughout his high school, collegiate and professional games, Phil E. Moose was a scoring star, and was excited to learn he had been "traded" to the 76ers in order to entertain fans during games at the Wells Fargo Center.

I think this is supposed to be a nod to Wilt Chamberlain, who as far as I know was never nicknamed or referred to as a "moose." It's also kind of weird that Philthadelphia is going after a moose mascot, when the Milwaukee Bucks already have an antlered-animal, as well as the fact that moose aren't very commonplace in Philly. Oops. This is my least favorite of the three, right down to the lame name. It's like Doug A. Hole, but even worse.

I've been partial to the Sixers lately, so I kind of have a vested interest in this. Maybe it's because in both NBA 2K11 and 2K12 my My Player character has ended up there (PG Rodney Dawson in 2K11 and SF Charlie Galloway in 2K12). And ya gotta support the team you play for, right? With any luck, we'll have an old man dunking basketballs after jumping through a burning hoop very soon.

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