Thursday, March 17

Forget Beiber Fever, Here Comes Black Plague

Alright, so that title isn't entirely original, but hey, I'm all about corny puns, so it gets a nod. I also don't know who said it, other than a fan of today's subject, Rebecca Black. For those of you that have not heard of her, that's probably a good thing. As any reader/friend of mine knows, I often say "this song is terrible" when describing a song, such as anything by Taio Cruz, Willow Smith, Trey Songz, etc. Well, please believe me when I say that this song below is worse than anything I have ever heard. Seriously. Here is a sample of the lyrics: "Kickin' in the front seat/sittin' in the back seat/gotta make my mind up/which seat can I take?" Or maybe you prefer "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/Today it is Friday/Friday...Tomorrow is Saturday/And Sunday comes afterwards."

Good grief. I can't really pin the fault of this song specifically on Rebecca Black, because she's only 13 years old. She also can't sing worth a damn, because, you know, most 13 year olds can't. But don't worry, Clarence Jay and Patrice Wilson, the song's writers (which is even more embarrassing because both of those people are grownups), layer on a heavy dose of auto-tune, so much so that even the beat sounds like it's robotic. Black has a vocal range of about four notes, and even auto-tune can't hide that. She sounds like she was momentarily excited because she got out of the waiting room and the doctor, but now she's bored again because she's in the doctor's office and he's not there yet.

To top it all off, there's a pretty awful rap thrown in by some unknown adult rapper. Actually, I'm not sure we can classify him as a rapper, because most rappers appear to have some skill. This dude just pretends like he's driving a car and comments on things going on around him, like a school bus passing. Presumably it's full of children, and presumably he's speeding up to follow it, because he's kind of creepy.

Anyway, watch this atrocity below, and the saddest part of all is that I'm sure this song will get radio play, because us viral idiots love making crappy things popular. Sigh...

This Day in History
461- St. Patrick dies. The first parade comes 1,301 years later, in 1762, taking place in New York.

1776- The British evacuate Boston. I could make a joke about that not being a bad thing for them, but I shall refrain.

1985- The Night Stalker, a serial killer, buys a gun and kills two women in separate incidents in Los Angeles, starting a summer of panic for the city.

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