Tuesday, June 29

Bad Joke Extravaganza


Oh boy...I'm sick today, and due to popular request, it's been...well, requested that I put up a Joey's Bad Joke of the Day (patent pending). So, you'll get one for each of the previous posts, one for this post, and a bonus one (that one will be one with a realistic ending). Then, each future post will have one, unless I forget to put it. But that's unlikely since it's sure to be the highlight of the post. It's a great way to avoid having to write about anything of real substance, but hey, the news doesn't stop even if you have a fever! Just don't touch my computer after I'm done with it. And with that, we're off!

A snare drum and a crash cymbal fall out of a tree.
Baduuuum tssshhhh!

What's the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence.

Where do hamburgers go to dance?
To a meatball.

What do you get when you cross a loaf of bread with a buffalo?
A buffaloaf.

A duck walks into a bar...Animal control is promptly called. The duck is then taken to a nearby park and released.

Hey, I never said these were good...

Monday, June 28

Toy Story 3 Review


Ah, yes. I guess it was inevitable that there would be a third Toy Story. And hopping on the 3-D bandwagon isn't too surprising either. But where threequels (is that what they're called?) like Shrek the Third, Rush Hour 3, and even to a lesser extent, Final Destination 3 recycle some of the same jokes, I never felt like that watching Toy Story 3. I did groan when I heard this third movie was coming out, because I thought Pixar couldn't top itself from the first two. I don't know if it was the 11 year layoff between the second and third movies, but I was definitely wrong--this one's as good as, if not better than, the first two.

I didn't bother with the 3-D feature (also because it wasn't being offered at the theater), so I can't speak to that. But what I can say is that Toy Story 3 will run you through a gamut of emotions. In just a matter of minutes, I went from falling out of my chair laughing (also known as "roflcoptering"), to choked up emotion, to gripping the edge of my seat, to anger...basically you go through it all as you watch Woody and the gang partake in some zany adventures.

This movie finds the toys' owner, Andy, going away to college. He has to choose which toys to keep, which ones to ditch, and, for the really lucky ones, which ones are coming with him to the university. Of course, nothing goes as smoothly as planned, and the toys end up in a daycare. This is where the creators can really shine, and they absolutely do--TONS of new toys make appearances, including a well-known couple that steals the show whenever they're onscreen.

Of course, all of the favorites are back. I've always had the a spot for Slink, maybe just because I love daschunds and Slinkies. But easily the best performance is by Don Rickles, who once again reprises his role as Mr. Potato Head. Rickles might not even have the funniest lines of the cast, but the situations MPH gets himself into more than make up for it. And Pixar's visuals only get better with time.

I won't spoil the ending (because that would be a pretty terrible review, wouldn't it?), but know this--Toy Story 3 is not just a movie for children. In fact, I'd go so far as to say adults might appreciate it more. Sure, the kids will laugh at the way the toys are used and exploited, but there are quite a few adult themes sprinkled throughout. In one of the final scenes, there was a pause in the dialogue, and a young girl in the theater said, "It's ok, mommy, don't cry." That sums up the experience of Toy Story 3--the ending is bittersweet (and insanely intense), even for, or maybe especially for, adults, but you'll be laughing and smiling so much along the way that it doesn't matter. Who knows? You just might spot some toys that provided, or still provide, hours of entertainment, and if not, the toys of Toy Story 3 are happy to do the job.

Grade: A

Sunday, June 27

And I Ran...


As those who know me most likely know, I'm in the midst of training for a marathon. It is fantastic, and while I'm sure it'll age my knees by about 20 years, it's certainly allowed me to keep myself active over the summer. I'm not as inspirational as Terry Fox, or as fictional as Forrest Gump, but I figured I'd write about some unusual activities that burn the calories clean off.

Jump Rope--According to this article, nearly a quarter of all kids will be obese by the year 2015. This is something even a child can do. In fact, they do it annually right across the street from my house. As always, beats are provided by Bizar Entertainment, who catered to many a bar mitzvah I attended growing up. Gotta love those massive Pixy Stix...but I digress, we're going for exercise, not useless sugar! The point is, jumping rope gets the heart pumping, which is always good. And it leads to mega-calves. Everyone loves strong calf muscles. It's just one of those facts of life.
Recommended exercise: Keep jumping as fast as you can for three straight minutes, then take a minute off. Continue with this pattern trying as many different things as you can, i.e. just jumping on the left foot, right foot, backwards, crossing, etc.

Ultimate Frisbee-- I might be a little biased since I actually play this, but this is a game that's extremely addictive and actually requires a lot of effort. You just need two people to toss it around, but try and get at least eight (ideally fourteen) for an unbelievably active match. When it boils down to it, you are really just running in circles, but it's so much fun you'll forget it.
Recommended exercise: Two teams of seven square off. Play to 15, win by 2. If you're not exhausted by the end, the teams were either horribly one-sided, or you just weren't trying.

Commercial Cardio--This is one for you lazy bums out there that like to watch TV. A lot. Well, you get to watch your TV. But during commercials, you're going to work. The average half-hour show has between seven and 12 minutes of commercials. That's a lot of time to get work done. You have a variety of options, too--pushups, leg lifts, bicycle kicks, calf raises (this guy likes to do his to the Killers)...look, there's a ton you can do. And you can do all of these without having to move too far from your chair, so you can still see the rest of your show.
Recommended exercise: 25 pushups, 25 leg lifts, 25 (each leg) bicycle kicks, 25 calf raises. And you can STILL finish all of that before the commercial break if you push yourself.

Extreme Ironing, although this entire website has great ideas--Granted, this might be a bit more of a stretch, but hey, if England can popularize it, maybe it can catch on in the States too. Combining "the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt," it theoretically would work out everything--your upper body from having to carry around an ironing board, clothes, and all that jazz, and your lower body from running, hiking, climbing, etc. Sounds like a pretty awesome trip to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some dress shirts with wrinkles.

Saturday, June 26

The Beginning

Yes, I've started another blog. Why? Because I love to write, and you love to read. Even if you don't, I'll try and make at least SOME facet of this interesting. Or useful. Or all three. But hey, when the dog days of summer come calling, you gotta find ways to keep yourself busy. That's what this is--a way to keep busy. For you, for me, for the world! Well, let's start with you and me first, then we'll move onto the world. So buckle up, because it's going to be a wild ride. I'm also getting all of the terrible clich├ęs out of the way first, so then I can move onto better things, like hot dogs. After all, it is almost the fourth of July.