Thursday, May 24

Ranking the Pokemon: #82- Slowpoke

I really hated Slowpoke when I grew up playing this game. I think it's just because it looks like an idiot. Like a Hungry, Hungry Hippo that wandered off the game board because not enough marbles were coming its way, and now it finds itself in the world of Pokemon. I think there's a girl in-game that has a Slowpoke, too, and that Slowpoke is INOBEDIENT. If I recall correctly, she gets it in a trade, and its utter disdain for any command is a looking glass into what will become of your life if you get a Pokemon in a trade and have not conquered enough gyms yet. So rather than being able to tell your, I don't know, Mr. Mime, "Mr. Mime, use PSYCHIC." You'll get things like "Mr. Mime is LOAFING AROUND" and "Mr. Mime used 'Shut up and put me back on the street corner you kidnapped me from.'" Which causes you to say "How does Mr. Mime talk?" and then Mr. Mime says "Because mimes CAN talk, they just don't when they're performing. And I'm not performing for you because you haven't even gotten the second gym badge??? You're worse than Misty, and she's a fictional character!" And then you have to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and think about where you're going with your life.

However, as time has gone on, I've learned Slowpoke is pretty useful, despite being about as fast as a non-chalant sea tortoise. Once you look around the lack of Speed, it has very good Attack and Defense for a first-year (my recently-named reference to any unevolved Pokemon that has an evolutionary chain, rather than an unevolved Pokemon that just never evolves--like our good friend Mr. Mime, for instance), and good HP for ANYONE, let alone a first-year. Its Special is so-so, but once you get to Level 40 with Pokey you'll learn Amnesia. Which now only raises Special Defense, but since Special Attack and Special Defense were one in the same back in Generation I, Slowbro was a BEAST. We'll go over movesets with it in its later iteration, but Slowpoke can more than hold its own against just about any Pokemon. Except maybe the next one on this list.

UPDATE: According to my buddy Rubes, Slowpoke has also become one of those "advice animal" memes. Looks like I was later to the party on that one that Slowpoke was itself. 

Battling Grade: B-