Saturday, December 27

Ranking the Pokemon: #3- Starmie

We're finally here. The Top 3. If we were dishing out Olympic medals, Starmie would get the bronze. You obtain a Starmie by giving a Staryu a Water Stone, and it essentially just doubles itself and turns purple. Love it. Along with Staryu, Starmie is also part of a glitch in Pokemon Gold and Silver, in which they could learn egg moves, but because they're genderless Pokemon and couldn't breed, you couldn't actually get said egg moves. Good work, GameFreak.

But anyway, we're talking about Starmie in Generation I here. And even back then, Starmie was a beast. HP isn't anything special, but it only improves from there--its Attack and Defense are both above average, its Special is great, and its Speed is outstanding. Plus it looks cool hurtling itself through the air like some sort of rogue ninja star.

Starmie technically only learns Tackle, Harden and Water Gun, so you either need to use whatever moves you learn as Staryu before evolving it, or just load up on TMs. I prefer the latter, because Starmie learns an abundance of moves. You'll definitely want to go the route of a special sweeper; I personally like the Thunder Wave/Thunderbolt/Surf/Psychic combo. That way you can annoy people by paralyzing 'em, and you get two STAB moves with Surf and Psychic. But you could also throw Blizzard on there as another attack, or add to the annoyance with Double Team or Reflect, or keep Recover on there to gain back some HP and duet with the band CHVRCHES.

The point is, Starmie is quite versatile. With the tremendous Speed, you'll be attacking first in nearly every situation, and the quality Special means those attacks will be doing strong damage. Also, if you've ever held a starfish in your hand, it's pretty incredible. So brownie points for that.

Battling Grade: A

Previously: #4- Mewtwo

Friday, December 26

Shaquille O'Neal Takes Out A Christmas Tree On "Inside The NBA"

Christmas Day is a good time for NBA fans. With five games on the docket, you can get your hoops fix in for like 13 straight hours. And in between the action, the studio shows keep us entertained, too.
In this case, Inside the NBA saw Kenny Smith and Shaquille O'Neal racing toward a Christmas tree. And, thanks to a little shove from Smith, the Shaqtus went flying into said tree, taking out a ton of ornaments and presents. Flagrant two!

Wednesday, December 24

SNL Parodies Serial Podcast With Incredible Accuracy

Man, Saturday Night Live is on fire lately. This time they're spoofing the hit podcast Serial, and doing it with alarming hilarity. Cecily Strong plays a perfect Sarah Koenig, who's a little bit skeptical of the guy they call Santa Clause.

Everything in here, from Koenig's conversational demeanor, to her phone conversations with her subject, to the weird lawyer yelling like she's talking to a five-year old, is on point. Just so on point. Even if you've never seen Serial, this is worth a laugh. Enjoy!

Monday, December 22

SNL Delivers Hilarious Church Skit Just In Time For The Holidays

As is often the case, Saturday Night Live has been real hit or miss this year. Even supposed "instant classics", like Martin Freeman starring in "The Hobbit Office" I haven't found particularly funny.

But when SNL hits, it's an absolute home run.

The latest is a local church advertisement, rolling out a Christmas Mass Spectacular. Having gone to church regularly, this is so spot on. The out-of-tune organist, the pastor making quiet jokes, the various's just incredible. Enjoy.

Friday, December 19

Adam Levine Covers R Kelly's "Ignition"

Who doesn't love R Kelly's "Ignition"? Fools, that's who. At a Season 7 party for The Voice, Adam Levine found himself covering the R&Ber's 2003 jam, and it was quite wonderful. The only thing that would make it more wonderful? If whoever took this video held their iPhone horizontally. Someday people will learn...

Thursday, December 18

"Chanukah" Parody Of Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" Is Fantastic

Whenever Taylor Swift comes out with a song, the parodies are plentiful. From all the goats and screaming in "I Knew You Were Trouble" to the various agist knockoffs of "22", the pop star has her admirers.

Among that throng of performers is Jewish a cappella group Six13. They've done a parody of Swift's "Shake It Off", entitled "Chanukah". And it's pretty fantastic. Check it out!

Wednesday, December 17

Hockey Check Causes Broken Glass, Chaos Everywhere

Proving that minor league hockey is just as entertaining as the pros, the ECHL's Todd Fiddler delivered an incredible hit on Wichita's Theo Peckham right at the start of the third period of a game recently. This hit was so powerful it actually shattered the front of glass, injuring a few people in the stands (though fortunately none too seriously). I'm sure there was also a lengthy delay in cleaning up the glass--considering this came 13 seconds after intermission, that's a lot of waiting around. But I gotta's kind of worth it. What a hit!

Monday, December 15

Tyson Chandler Blocks Marreese Speights' Shoe Into Crowd

The Warriors beat the Mavericks 105-98 over the weekend, in a game that largely wasn't worth watching. Dallas made a late rally to make the score respectable, but otherwise, it was a lot of yuck. Midway through the third quarter, Warriors forward Marreese Speights lost a shoe near halfcourt. Steph Curry picked it up and tried to toss it to him. Tyson Chandler WAS NOT HAVING IT. Chandler swatted the shoe into the crowd, and chaos reigned. Best defense the Mavs played all day. Austin Powers still hasn't been reached for comment.

Sunday, December 14

Corey Brewer Takes Somewhere Between 10 and 14 Steps On A Dunk, Travel Not Called

Okay, maybe the amount of steps was an embellishment, but hot dog, this was most certainly a travel. Oh well, rules are overrated anyway.

Saturday, December 13

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 Trailer Released

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is just a few months away, and the first official trailer has been released.
Astute observers might notice from the picture above (or the trailer) that John Cusack is missing. He's not in this movie, but Adam Scott and Gillian Jacobs should provide an equal amount of laughs. And of course, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson and Clark Duke all reprise their roles. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is due for a February 20 release date.

Friday, December 12

Jimmy Fallon and Steve Carell Join Forces To Perform Barbershop Quartet Version Of Sexual Healing

I've always wanted to perform in a barbershop quartet. It just seems so jovial and fun. Jimmy Fallon and Steve Carell both get to live out that dream, as they perform Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" with The Tonight Show barbershop quartet The Ragtime Gals. Groovy good stuff.

Thursday, December 11

Actor Christopher Lee Releases Heavy Metal Christmas Album

This is a sign to never let age get in the way of your dreams, kids. Actor Christopher Lee, who's appeared in The Lord of the Rings, Dracula, Star Wars, and a host of other movies, is releasing Darkest Carols, Faithful Sing, a heavy metal album he recorded with Hedras Ramos. This is actually Lee's third heavy metal album; last year's "Jingle Hell" reached No. 18 on the Billboard charts.

Oh yes, Lee was 91 years old when that happened. NINETY-ONE! The oldest charting artist ever. Just incredible. Check out a sample of the new record below, from the now 92-year-old actor.

Wednesday, December 10

Ranking the Pokemon: #4- Mewtwo

If we were going on stats alone, Mewtwo would be #1. Everything it has is just absurd. Its worst stat is Defense, which is at 90. That's an above average score, and again, that's its WORST stat. 

As a whole, Mewtwo's total base stats equal 580, which is the most of any Generation I Pokemon. Its Special is the highest of any Pokemon in Generation I. Its Speed is the second highest of Generation I, behind just Electrode. It's seventh in HP, and tied for 10th in Attack. It's even in the Top 30 for Defense, which, once more, is its worst stat. That means even in its absolute worst category, Mewtwo is still in the top 20% of all Generation I Pokemon.

Unfortunately, that incredibly overpowered skill set causes Mewtwo to drop a few notches. You see, Mewtwo isn't allowed in many battles as a legendary Pokemon. What's more, there are tournaments where everyone is eligible EXCEPT Mewtwo (and sometimes Mew, as well). Mewtwo is like the weird kid in high school who's probably almost 30, but no one's ever dared to find out because they don't want to talk to him. In the game's story, Mewtwo is actually a genetic experiment gone wrong. Sounds about right--a fun experiment to try on your friends is to use a team of six Mewtwos, then see how long it takes for your friends to stop talking to you forever.

Movewise, there are only a handful of TMs Mewtwo doesn't learn. My personal favorite moveset is Psychic, Thunderbolt, Blizzard and Recover. Psychic for the STAB, Thunderbolt to take out common Water and Flying-types, Blizzard to freeze Grass and Grounders, and Recover to just be a jerk and gain health when your opponent finally thinks your Mewtwo is a goner. Serves them right for being hopeful.

Battling Grade: A+

Tuesday, December 9

Bobby Moynihan Plays Aging Princess Leia In Star Wars Spoof

Saturday Night Live has been especially hit or miss lately, but man, the hits are just glorious. Check out this fake trailer for The Force Awakens, combining the new crew with the old school. The original cast, having aged quite a bit since the first Star Wars movies, is not quite their once agile selves. Good stuff all around, but Bobby Moynihan really steals the scene as an elderly Princess Leia.

Saturday, December 6

Portland State Player Fakes Handshake At End Of Game, Steals Ball And Dunks It

During an 83-71 loss to Portland, Portland State's Bryce White pretended to shake hands with the opposing team, then stole the ball, dribbled down the court and dunked it. That cut the lead from 14 to 12. Talk about playing until the final whistle.

But wait! Apparently the spread in this game opened at -12.5 Portland. So, by doing that underhanded steal and dunk, the Vikings (that's Portland State) ended up covering. Vegas, you've struck again!

Friday, December 5

Hockey Player Fits In Six "Meows" During Postgame Interview

Goodness, I love when players have fun in their interviews. And if they're referencing the best scene from a movie? Even better.

In this case, the movie being referenced is Super Troopers, a film from 2001 that has a few fantastic moments, but otherwise is largely forgettable. What's UNFORGETTABLE, though, is when two of the troopers play the "Meow Game," where they see how many times they can fit the word "meow" into a conversation.

During a recent ECHL game, Ray Kaunisto of the Kalamazoo Wings threw six meows into a two-question interview with reporter Ben Garrod. Garrod appreciated the humor of things, and hopefully some folks at the game got a kick out of it, too.

Thursday, December 4

Austin Filmmaker Keller Davis Is Opening His Couch Up For Moviegoers

Couch Fest is a worldwide event where short film marathons are hosted in some unorthodox locales. Couches, offices, anything is fair game, so long as it's not a movie theatre. 

Austin filmmaker Keller Davis, who won an award back in 2011 for his short film POWERPOINT, is now opening up his office for the inaugural Austin installment of Couch Fest. Keller took some time to chat with A Hot Cup Of Joey about the event, hosting, and what his dream movie marathon would be.

The event page for Austin's Couch Fest can be found here, and other locales can be found on the Couch Fest website. If you're in one of the towns, stop by!

Wednesday, December 3

Better Call Saul Releases Another Trailer, This Time With Jonathan Banks

Most fans of Breaking Bad will probably cite Mike as one of their favorite characters. Finally, AMC has given us a trailer of their spinoff show Better Call Saul that features Jonathan Banks, who played the aforementioned Mike. And he's kicking butt in his normal, stedfast way. Well done.

Better Call Saul stars Bob Odenkirk and premieres on February 8 at 10 EST/9 CST. Can't wait.

Tuesday, December 2

Ryan Fitzpatrick Throws Six Touchdowns, Has Son Show Off Math Skills During Press Conference

Ryan Fitzpatrick just had the game of his career, throwing for 358 yards and six touchdowns. He's just the 34th quarterback in NFL history to toss at least six scores. But at his postgame press conference, Fitzpatrick wanted to put some spotlight on his son, Brady. He had Brady come up, and asked a reporter to name two numbers between 90 and 99, which happened to be 93 and 97. Brady then solved the problem in his head in about five seconds.

Sure, there's a little math trick you can use to figure this out, but it still requires some quick subtracting and multiplying in your head. Brady handled this easily--next stop, following in his father's footsteps at Harvard?

Sunday, November 30

The Peanuts series is getting a major motion picture made, courtesy of FOX Family. And a trailer has been released, showing our favorite beagle Snoopy getting into a battle with the Red Baron over the streets of Paris. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this movie, but I do love me some Snoopy and Woodstock, and when Snoop laughs near the end of this trailer...well, it seems like things might just be alright.

Thursday, November 27

How To Thanksgiving: A Quick Primer

Here's a blast from the past. A little Thanksgiving 101 to give you the true meaning behind the holiday. And there's some terrific trivia in here too (not to mention wonderful voice acting), so pay attention!

Band Aid 30 Returns With...Well, Basically The Same Song As The Original

I love me some Bob Geldof. The British rocker is back at it with the 30th anniversary edition of Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

It's the same song, but this time it's directed at the ebola virus, and it features more current pop stars like One Direction, Sam Smith, Ellie Goulding and Ed Sheeran. Geldof also gives some oldies but goodies a little screen time--see if you can catch Seal, Chris Martin from Coldplay, and of course, Bono. Zero surprise there.

Tuesday, November 25

Richard Sherman And Cardboard Doug Baldwin Provide Parody Press Conference To Defend Marshawn Lynch

Richard Sherman continues to be one of the most well-spoken guys in the NFL, so this really isn't a huge surprise. It definitely cracked me up, though--Sherman and Doug Baldwin, crouched behind a cardboard cutout of himself, spoke to the media for about two and a half minutes today. The main topic? Just how hypocritical the NFL can be. The pair discuss playing two games in five days, drop a whole lot of sponsors' names, and wonder how Marshawn Lynch can be fined so much simply for not talking. It's a clever way to stick up for their teammates, though I'm sure there'll probably be some dumb penalty for Sherman, Baldwin, and Cardboard Baldwin.

Monday, November 24

More Mean Tweets? Yes Please!

Jimmy Kimmel Live is back with the eighth installment of celebrities reading mean tweets. This time, we learn John Stamos has a weird belly button, Ty Burrell often gets mistaken for a less flattering Jon Hamm, and someone really hates Lisa Kudrow. 

Remember, folks, celebrities have feelings, too. So make your tweets creatively mean, and you might end up on TV.

There Is No Hyperbole Great Enough To Describe The Catch Odell Beckham Jr Made

There really is none. Odell Beckham Jr fends off the Cowboys' Brandon Carr, and makes an acrobatic catch, not simply with one hand, but with THREE FINGERS. Of course the Giants ended up losing 31-28, but never mind that. Just watch this play and enjoy.

Sunday, November 23

Bryan Cranston Narrates New Children's Book: "You Have To F*cking Eat"

You may recall a while back when Samuel L. Jackson narrated Go The F*ck to Sleep, a children's book by Adam Mansbach. Seeing the demand for kids' books laced with profanity, Bryan Cranston is now getting in on the fun.

You Have To F*cking Eat encourages children to eat their food, even if it's not they're favorite. Because nourishment is important. And if Heisenberg is telling you to eat, you better damn well listen. A clip is above, and the full version is downloadable through December 12.

Saturday, November 22

Porn Stars Promote Net Neutrality, Make More Sense Than Ted Cruz Does

The latest topic of debate between political parties is net neutrality, or the idea that all content on the web should be provided at the same rate, regardless of what internet plan you have, what sites you frequent, and all that good stuff. Ted Cruz recently said that net neutrality was essentially worse than the devil, leading much of America to wonder if Ted Cruz actually knows what the internet is.

Regardless, porn stars Alex Chance, Mercedes Carrera and Nadia Styles took it upon themselves to promote the "for" side of net neutrality. And if they can show off their assets while doing it, even better. With a little assist from Funny Or Die, these ladies sure do make a lot of sense. Enjoy.

Thursday, November 20

Sesame Street's Ernie Turns 45, Gets A Colonoscopy

Ernie turned 45 this past week, so Conan felt it was due time to give him a colonoscopy. Makes perfect sense to me. After all, it's the responsible thing to do. Enjoy.

Nick Offerman Makes Handcrafted Wooden Emojis

As someone who sees emojis heavily used on the daily, often in situations that don't call for them, I can empathize greatly with this sketch. Nick Offerman, a great craftsman of his own, has generously created some wooden emojis, for a more personalized feel. The added bulk of 14 pounds per emoji ensures you get your workout in for the day, as well.

Tuesday, November 18

Kevin Hart To Jameis Winston: "Stop Doing Dumb Sh*t"

  Kevin Hart Confronts Jameis Winston -- 'Stop Doing Dumb S**t'
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Apparently about a year ago, Kevin Hart met the Florida State football team. He promptly told Jameis Winston to stop doing dumb sh*t. I'm fairly certain this was before the latest dumb thing Winston's done, so clearly he nor other Florida State players in the news heeded Hart's advice. Oh well.

Friday, November 14

Marshawn Lynch Wants, Nay, NEEDS Steven Hauschka To Dance With Him

Marshawn Lynch had himself a day last Sunday. He torched the Giants to the tune of four touchdowns, then danced on the sidelines. I mean, I would too after that many scores. Alas, his teammate, kicker Steven Hauschka, wasn't feeling like busting a move. But that didn't stop Beast Mode from trying to get him involved. Happy Friday, y'all.

See Poetry Like Never Before With Derrick Brown On November 22

Derrick Brown is something of a wordsmith. Which is a good thing, because it makes his poetry and live readings that much more entertaining. Brown has toured with Eugene Mirman and Amber Tamblyn, and Jake Gyllenhaal just read one of Brown's poems at a fundraiser.

Brown is reading at the Off Center Theater in Austin on Saturday, November 22 to promote his new book, Our Poison Horse. Brown got into poetry while in a foxhole when he was enlisted as a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne. It was clearly a good call, as his most recent collection, Strange Light, won the 2013 Texas Book of the Year Award. Combining music, humor, stories and poetry, his live performances are something worth checking out. Enjoy a sample below:

Wednesday, November 12

Everyone On Wheel Of Fortune Guesses Something About Riding Horses, Pat Sajak Loses It

Wheel of Fortune found itself in Hawaii recently, and there were shenanigans aplenty. Watch as multiple contestants guess the final spin puzzle, and all of them have peculiar equine origins. Pat Sajak naturally is appalled, and actually briefly walks off set. Good times.

Monday, November 10

Taylor Swift Debuts "Blank Space" Video

Taylor Swift has just gone full troll on her critics in her music videos. This song sounds like a mix of Lorde and "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis, and I'll be darned if she's not saying "Starbucks lovers" during the chorus. But hey, the video's kinda entertaining. If nothing else, it's already got people talking. Oh, Taylor, you coy rebel, you.

Simpsons and Futurama Have Crossover Episode, Apparently Every Single Show Is Doing The Same This Week

It's the week of crossovers, I guess. The Simpsons and Futurama kicked things off with a little mashup--here, Homer "saves" Leela's pet Nibbler by breaking the heads of a number of Bart-esque monsters. The "why you little" exclamations just sound phoned in at this point, Homer's done it so many times.

Saturday, November 8

Jimmy Fallon and Matthew McConaughey Break Each Other's Faces

The game is Facebreakers. The objective: to break your opponent's face. Simple enough, right?

Of course, Jimmy Fallon and Matthew McConaughey aren't actually breaking each other's faces. Rather, they're throwing footballs at glass pictures of themselves. And even though there are some truly bad throws in here, both Fallon and McConaughey were lightyears better than Andy Dalton was on Thursday night.

Thursday, November 6

Texas Tailgating With Alexis Chong And The Grill Iron

UT football has been a disappointment, to put it mildly, but fans have something to cheer about this Saturday against West Virginia: delicious food.

Chef Alexis Chong of Sway Restaurant has been chosen to grill up a tasty dish for Tastemade's "The Grill Iron" show. Chef Chong will be grilling up her Texas Tailgate Tod Man Pla, or Thai fish cake. It's one of the most prominent appetizers on most Thai restaurants' menus. But of course, this is a Texas tailgate, so instead of frying the fish, she's going to shish-kebob it and grill it.

Check out a trailer and previous episodes of "The Grill Iron" below. And if you're at the game, stop by and sample some cuisine! It'll make up for the bitter taste the game is sure to leave in your mouth.

DATE:  Saturday, November 8, 2014
TIME:  1:30 p.m. CST
LOCATION: Tastemade Kitchen at the Hyundai Field House @ Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium 405 E 23rd St, Austin, TX 78712  

Wednesday, November 5

If Teachers Were Football Players

Occasionally, BuzzFeed produces something that's not a list about cats or nostalgia. This is one such thing--a visualization of what the world would be like if teachers were treated like athletes. And I must say, it's quite spot on. Enjoy.

P.S. If he doesn't get tenure, I'm quitting.

Tuesday, November 4

SNL's Swiftamine Explains The Phenomenon Of Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift, also known as T-Swizzle or That Girl Who Breaks Up With Every Boy, is an interesting dichotomy. Folks either love her or hate that they love her. I'm probably in the latter group. Saturday Night Live aired a sketch that just might explain why. Dr. David Doctor tells us that in the last month, Taylor Swift is the leading cause of vertigo, and with Swiftamine, you can get the help you deserve.

Monday, November 3

What 10 Hours Of Walking The Street Like A Man Looks Like

Recently a video about walking along the street as a woman went viral, when Shoshana B. Roberts was filmed for a PSA for Hollaback! The group wants to end street harassment. They've been both lauded as eye-opening, and criticized for only including Latino and black men in their video.

Either way, Funny or Die has outdone 'em.

"10 Hours Of Walking In NYC As A Man" is just incredible. Such a tough life, and something everyone should watch.